Let me share you my schedule for today. Woke up at around 6 in the morning for my 7am class (yes, that’s when I wake up everyday since our home is near my school) Tan picked me up and went to school thereafter. At my shock, there were students outside the university and the employees didn’t want us to enter the campus. Knowing the state of the union and the administration, rallies are everywhere! Sad on our part, we students can’t take what’s going on. With what’s happening around, many of us got afraid of going to class anymore. Going back, after hearing the mass, I went out of the campus. To make it short, here’s an illustration: bookstore->BPI->shop->where I get the needed stuff for my lacet collection->LBC->home->JRS->shop->home. Helped Kuya Mike make the scrapbook for my friend’s birthday and arranged the orders needed to be shipped. Tan went over after class bringing his desktop (just imagine that being in the car! Haha) and played with my brother. And now that I’ve got the chance to rest, I took the chance to blog. In one way or another, this is my anti-stress. So tired though! :(
My day started out not fine. I woke up with 12 messages on my Inbox, but none of it is his. I understand how he is going through right now by the things which have happened yesterday. Trying to make him feel better makes how I feel the other way. Giving out what he needs makes me taking in what I don’t.
As I opened my Tumblr account, I immediately went off to Callherhollywood. Browsed in her #inspirational page, reading them made me feel kind of better than how I was feeling earlier. Trying to get busy so as to not think of him would also at least make me productive throughout the day. Did chores, fixed my schedules, organized what is needed to be organized, and updated my accounts on social networking sites.
If I haven’t started my day as to how I planned it, I’ll end it right as to how I expected it to be.
NOTE TO SELF FOR TODAY:
When things go wrong, always remember this: there’s always a crack of light in the darkness. Go find it! :)
I’ve been on-and-off and been to-and-fro every now and then. I must admit, I missed being on Tumblr! Like, super! Here I can tell off my feelings and can relate my story to others who were posting as well. I feel like there’s someone who understands what I feel without hesitating to speak out what I think. In short, here, I’m gaining freedom!
As I wake up each day, I do my daily meetings with the Lord. Everyday, I find new revelations that would help me best in my present life. In accordance with my journal and devotion, I’m also reading a book which inspires me to go an extra mile with God. Most especially when I feel like giving up and how remorseful I am with such mess in my life, this book reminds me of how God loves me.
Completely His by Shannon Ethridge is a super two-thumbs up must-read book. She’s a best-selling author of the Every Woman’s Battle series and teaches you how to love Jesus without limits! Every sub-topic, I jot down notes of some words which strike me the best. As I was reading it earlier this morning, my heart jumped for joy on how the author communicated so well with God. That kilig factor I see from certain lovers has made me seen it through them. There’s one conversation that made my kilig vibes come out of my humanely form! Hahaha!
As I began writing this book, I was counseling a woman who was experiencing romantic feelings for a particular man. She asked, “Why did God create us in such a way that we have physiological responses to our emotions? Why do thoughts of this guy cause butterflies in my stomach? Why does my heart skip a beat when he looks at me? Why do I get all giddy inside when this guy pays attention to me?”
In that moment, I caught another magnificent glimpse of our loving God. He said to me, “I created humans to respond that way to love so they would know how I feel when they turn their attentions toward Me!” I pondered this for a split second, wondering, “God, do You really feel that way when I turn my thoughts toward You?” He affirmed, “Everytime you lift your hands in prayer or lift your heart in worship or turn your attentions to Me for any reason at all, I get giddy over you.”
God’s heart indeed does flip-flops when our attentions turn toward Him. Oh, how cute and sweet that is! :’>
So this is basically the most heart felting message ever! ♥
My shout out post. Eyes sworn, again and again. That feeling when you can’t choose which is which! In which direction should I take? In which way should I make? I just can’t stand these things anymore. I’ve been trying so hard to let everyone in my life feel that I am into them and that I really want the best for them, but it turned out to be the other way around. I’ve always been making changes, adjusting this and that, etc. I just can’t find my way out! I’m tired, really tired. Sometimes I wanna give up like for real, but then again at the back of my mind, there’s still this someone who didn’t give up on me. God, I thank You for always being there. I know life may be hard at times but please let me be reminded always that You are my God. If you didn’t give up on me, then I shouldn’t be giving up on You too. It’s You whom I trust, whom I ran up to, and who knows everything about me inside and out. Let me accept the fact that I can’t please everyone with everything I say or do. Lord, You knew my intentions. You know me very well. And as far as I’m concerned, this isn’t part of the plan. :(
It’s been a year since this photo was taken. Woah! I’m in the 2 years of his life! Happy Birthday to my ever so dearest sweetest love. You know how much I love you. :)